Some Lessons Bloom in the Dark 🌑

A Reflection on Pain, Practice, and Asking for Help

Friend, moonflowers and jasmine bloom in the dark.
And some lessons do too.

Pain can be a doorway.
It’s not one I suggest you seek out, but if you happen to be thrust onto its ominous doorstep, you’re not alone—and there is wisdom to be found on the other side.

On Monday, I’ll have my fifth surgery in two years.
I will be OK, and I’m hoping this is the last one for a long time. But it got me thinking about what I’ve learned about pain and what might be useful to share.

1. Science is real.

Western medicine is imperfect, but often necessary. It’s not some act of heroism to eschew the vast medical research and interventions available. Since that seems to be such an endless echo in the wellness world, I feel compelled to say it. Other techniques and traditions (yoga!) can be really helpful in complementary ways.

2. Chronic illness disrupts the idea of a singular, unchanging self.

And what’s on the other side of that?
Well, “I” (haha) experience it as a sort of flow. Like there is a river running through me that I never realized was there. There are parts of me that, of course, feel stable. But thoughts, emotions, roles, attributes, body states—these all flow through.

When I’m feeling a tough state, I know it too is flowing through. That doesn’t always make it less painful, per se, but it does make it more peaceful.

3. Difficult times can harden us or soften us.

And of course, both happen in the course of our lives. No one teaches better on this, to my mind, than Pema Chödrön. (Check out Getting Unstuck, her lesser-known audiobook where she gives a good overview of her perspective.)

The more I can be with my pain without exiling it, the more I can be with the pain of others and support them.
The more I can recognize that my situation is a result of circumstances often out of my control, the less judgment I have toward other people.

4. No one does it alone

The idea that we’re meant to do it alone is out of alignment with all we know about being a human on Earth.

You know how it feels good to support someone else?
Others want to support you.
We’re right here waiting.
Reach out. Start small. You’ll be amazed at how your relationships develop and deepen when you can ask for help.

Perhaps the shortest and most powerful prayer in the human language is ‘help.’
— Thomas Keating

A Gift for You: Comfort After a Long Day

I recorded a short guided meditation to support you on your own hard days. It's gentle, grounding, and meant to be a soft place to land.

👉 Listen to the meditation

🌿 Related Practices

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